Well today, I haven’t had any of the deep, dark, scary thoughts. Today, I haven’t had to stop midway through doing something and lie in bed for an hour or two. Today, I haven’t felt fat or unattractive. Today, I didn’t cry at all. Today, I have had confidence. Today, I have felt capable.
Today, all in all, was not a bad day of living with depression.
But my depression is a cycle, and some days aren’t as easy as today has been.
What is a bad day? It’s one that’s clouded by an all-encompassing low feeling, which touches everything you do. On a really bad day, you’re at the lowest you can possibly feel, and often you don’t see how it can get better. And even if it could get better - even if this deadening, miserable, exhausting feeling somehow passes – you know it will come back. And you feel like you can’t – actually, you just don’t want to – face it any more. Precisely because depression is cyclical, and you know you won’t ever stay at the top. You know you will fall again.
But like I said, today is a good day. You just have to take steps to make sure the upward swings of feeling good last as long as they can. You make sure you get out of the house, you treat yourself to something, you eat well, take your meds, get enough sleep.
Enjoy the good days, and know that the bad days are not here to stay.
If you're feeling low, you need to talk to someone, to get the help you need and deserve.
P.P.S. DISCLAIMER: This is just my experience of depression. Mental illness comes in a thousand gazillion of forms, and I can only talk about the one that I've got, and how I experience it. So that's what I've done.